


caught up

by PictureMeBroken



Category: EXO (Band), f(x)
Genre: F/M, Family, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-19
Updated: 2015-10-19
Packaged: 2018-04-27 02:49:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5030773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PictureMeBroken/pseuds/PictureMeBroken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He needs to move on, it'd be best for him and his daughter, <br/>but he just can't stop waiting and hoping that <i>she'll</i> come back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	caught up

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: I think this is the most PG thing I've ever wrote, so the only real warning I've got is that it's kind of sad.
> 
> Pairings: Sehun-centric; Sesul, mentioned!Kaistal 
> 
> Type: One-shot.
> 
> Status: Complete.
> 
> word count: 4,526 
> 
> Note: Second longest thing I've ever written.  
> Note 2: Cross-posted on my AFF  
> Note 3: I wrote this fic like a year ago?

_i_

 

_“Sehun-ah! Take a picture of me under the Ferris wheel!”_

 

He sighs and rolls over. His bed’s way too big for one person and it’s that fact that has the image of her dark locks tinted by the shining, neon lights of their first date burned behind his eyelids. She stays there, swimming around his head and clawing at the shreds of his heart, for what feels like hours. It doesn’t matter that it’s been almost five and a half years, that she’s long gone and probably never coming back, none of that matters when she’s still the only thing he can think about when wakes up in the morning and lays down at night.

 

Another sigh burns its way up his throat as he looks over to the flashing blue light beside his bed that tells him it’s almost time for-

 

“Daddy!”

 

-Miyoung to be home.

 

Sehun smiles, the pain in his heart nothing compared to the love he has for the five year old pushing open his bedroom door and beaming at him.

 

“Daddy!” she yells before throwing herself onto the bed with him.

 

“There’s my baby girl,” Sehun says as he sits up to cradle his daughter against his chest. “I was starting to think that you decided to live with Uncle Jongin instead of me.”

 

Miyoung shakes her head, giggles flying from her mouth. “’Course not.”

 

Sehun grins as she wiggles out of his arms to sit on the bed next to him. “Did you have fun?”

 

She nods, chestnut curls bouncing around her waist with the motion. Her words fade out as he watches the way her hair billows with every little movement of her arms. Chestnut curls. Just like her mother’s.

 

_“Sehun-ah,” she says, voice quiet and hoarse from a night of crying into his pillow._

 

_“What is it, noona?” he whispers. His fingers come up and brush a tear from her nose before he can stop it and she nuzzles into his palm._

 

_Her eyes are piercing when she pins them on him. “Do you love me?”_

 

_His breath stops. It’s a bad situation, one where anything he says will have serious repercussions, and he gulps, honestly afraid of his own answer._

 

_His eyes search hers and he could cry from the sheer desperation in them; the hopelessness swimming in the depths of her soul. She’s lost. She’s lost and hurting and looking at him like he’s the only person that can save her._

 

_And maybe he is. Maybe he’s the only one that can take away her pain and replace it with all of the love and adoration she’s been searching for her whole life._

 

_She’s not just lost, she’s broken. She’s broken and he has no idea how to fix her, so he does the one thing he can: tell the truth. “Yes.”_

 

_There’s silence between them as the tears swimming in her eyes spill over once more. “Show me. Show me that love, Sehun-ah. Please.”_

 

Jongin watches as his best friend fades in and out of the conversation. He knows Sehun’s hurting, knows he’s been hurting for a long time, but he doesn’t know how to help him. No matter how much he tries, the younger just brushes it off as unimportant, unneeded,  _‘I’m fine Jongin, really, stop worrying so much,’_  and Jongin can’t stand it anymore. That’s why he’s got a plan. He knows it probably won’t work, but he’s got to at least try for his best friend.

 

“Miyoung-ah,” he says as Miyoung begins her next tangent. “Why don’t you go pack up while I talk to your daddy, mkay?”

 

“Okay!” Miyoung pecks her father on the cheek before running out of the room with a squeal of joy.

 

He smiles after her, but Jongin can see it, the moment Sehun retreats back into moments long passed, and it breaks his heart knowing that no matter how happy he looks, Sehun is almost as broken as she was on the inside.

 

Jongin takes a seat on the bed beside Sehun and reaches out a hand to pat his shoulder. “Sehun.”

 

Sehun starts at the touch, eyes darting around before landing on Jongin. “Oh, hey man,” he says with a smile that Jongin knows is fake. “Thanks for taking Miyoung out today. She’s been going stir crazy being stuck in the house recently and I haven’t really been feeling up to taking her out somewhere.”

 

“It’s fine, man. I know you haven’t really been good these past few weeks,” Jongin pauses, taking a deep breath. “Which is why I’m going to take her for the night too.”

 

Sehun’s brows shoot up. Miyoung can’t stand being away from home at night – she can’t sleep, she won’t eat, she just cries and keeps saying she wants to go home – and Jongin knows that and Sehun has no idea why he’d even say something so stupid. “You don’t have to do that, Jongin. I’m fine, I can take care of her.”

 

“That’s the thing though, you’re  _not_ fine. Far from it actually. You haven’t been fine since she left.” Jongin doesn’t say her name – he’s not that stupid – but they both know who he’s talking about and they both know that he’s one-hundred percent right. “Sehun you’ve gotta get over her. For your own sake and Miyoung’s. It’s been almost six years and you’re still as torn up about it as the day that she left and even Miyoung can see it. We all know you’re hurting Sehun-ah, and we can’t just stand by and let you go on like this anymore. That’s why I’ve set you up a date.”

 

“Jongin-”

 

Jongin cuts him off. “Give her a chance. Her name’s Krystal. She lives in my apartment building and she’s a really nice girl and I want you to give her a chance Sehun; I want you to give yourself a chance.”

 

_“Why do you love me, Sehun-ah?”_

 

_The question startles him, enough that he almost drops the negative he’s holding. “What?”_

 

_“Why do you love me?” she says again._

 

_He’s silent, the tension in her voice wrapping around him and strangling his lungs. He knows that her insecurities are boiling up the longer he stays silent, but he needs time to think. His answer…it needs to be perfect. She’s so sensitive –  so fragile, so cracked and easily shattered – and he wants her to know just how much he means every word that comes out of his mouth._

 

_“I love you because…because you deserve it. Despite everything that you’ve been through, all the times you’ve been let down and tossed around, you’ve managed to stay so strong. You’re such an amazing and beautiful person and I can’t help but think about that every day and how much I just want you to be happy. You deserve that. You deserve someone that would do anything to make you happy and take care of you. You deserve someone that you don’t have to be strong in front of, someone that you can break in front of. I love you because I’ve seen you break and I’ve wiped away your tears and taken your sadness for my own and all I want is to take it all away and let you be happy.”_

 

_“Why?”_

 

_Her voice cracks and for the first time since they went into the dark room he looks up at her. Her eyes are closed, tears slipping through the cracks of her eyelids and trailing down her cheeks._

 

_“Why does that someone have to be you, Sehun? Why do you have to feel what I’ve felt? Why do you have to know how broken I am and let me break you too? Why do you have to give up your happiness because you want it for me?”_

 

_He reaches out, the negative falling from his fingers to the floor completely forgotten as he laughs and wipes the tears from her cheeks. “Don’t you see? I’m not giving up my happiness. **You are my happiness**.”_

 

“Hello. Are you Sehun-ssi?”

 

Sehun turns, eyes falling onto a girl a little shorter than him. Her hair is a vibrant, fiery red and her dark eyes are lined expertly with a dark kohl. She wearing a light pink sweater that compliments the rosy tone of her cheeks and makes her look a lot younger than the twenty-six Jongin had told him. Sehun smiles at her, thinking of cherry blossoms and spring.

 

“Yes. You must be-”

 

“Soojung. Jung Soojung. But I prefer Krystal. It’s nice to meet you.” She beams up at him, a big easy smile that fits perfectly on her face.

 

“It’s nice to meet you too, Krystal-ssi.”

 

They walk side-by-side to Sehun’s favorite restaurant, talking easily about everything and nothing at once. He learns that Jung Soojung is a student from America, that she has an older sister named Jessica, and that she is absolutely head over heels in love with Kim Jongin. Though, she doesn’t actually tell him that and he doubts that Jongin’s even figured it out.

 

“So what do you do, Sehun-ssi?” Krystal asks once they’ve reached the restaurant and ordered.

 

“I’m a photographer,” he answers, sipping at his drink and fighting to keep his tone light. 

 

Krystal’s eyes light up with excitement. “Really? That’s so cool! What kind of stuff do you photograph?”

 

“When I was in college I mostly did nature shots, but in my final year I got a deal doing shoots for an entertainment company, taking pictures of their models and idols and of company events. From there I branched out to other companies.”

 

“Wow. So you’re actually doing really really well with it. That’s impressive for someone so young,” she says with a happy clap of her hands and a smile.

 

“Thank you. I wish I could say that all of my hard work paid off, but honestly that first company only hired me on the word of one of their models.” Sehun smiles sadly, thinking back to his first few shoots.

 

The food arrives then, cutting off Krystal’s next words and effectively silencing all conversation for several minutes.

 

“Were you two really close?” Krystal says, leaning back in her chair and looking over her half-empty plate contently.

 

“We were…but that was a long time ago.”

 

_“Sehun! Sehun-ah!” she squeals. Her heels fall to the floor with a clack before she’s rushing over to the bed and throwing herself on it to wake him up._

 

_Sehun groans, wanting nothing more than to roll over and ignore her. He was having such a good dream before she showed up._

 

_She rolls her eyes, shaking him and pinching his sides through the thin blanket wrapped around him. “Sehun-ah! Get up, get up, get up! I’ve got great news and you’re just going to sleep right on through it, lazy.”_

 

_Sehun holds in a sigh and sits up and she slides off the bed to stand beside it. He glances over at his clock before he can think better of it and curses the flashing blue that reads 3:30 AM. He sighs and looks back to where she’s bouncing up and down excitedly. “What is it, noona?”_

 

_“Well,” she starts, gripping her hands to keep herself from bouncing any more. “I know you told me not to, but I was talking to my manager and a couple of guys higher up in the company today about the photographers for my next shoot and I told them about you so they asked to see some of your work and I showed them the pictures you took of me for your portfolio and they loved them!” She stops, taking in a deep breath after throwing that all out at once. “And…they want to talk about doing the next shoot with you! Isn’t that great?”_

 

_She’s beaming down at him, bouncing again, and he’s barely even awake enough to hear all that she had said but when it finally sinks in he’s out of bed and picking her up and twirling her around the room. “Oh my god, yes! This is amazing! Thank you, thank you, thank you!”_

 

_He sets her down, so caught up in the moment that he doesn’t even think before leaning down to press his lips against hers._

 

“Is she, um,” Krystal pauses, setting her chopsticks down and chewing her lip as she looks for the words. “Jongin-ah said you had a daughter…is she…?”

 

Sehun nods, a sad smile painting his lips. “Yes, she’s Miyoung’s mother.”

 

There’s silence between them again before Krystal breaks it with the simple, heartbreaking question of, “What happened?”

 

Sehun sighs and takes a sip of his drink. “Well, she wasn’t ready. She’s been through a lot in her life and she was so scared when she found out we were having a baby. She didn’t know if she could settle down and be a good wife and mother, so…she left. I kept Miyoung and I let her go, but I told her before she left that she could always come back, that she could always try.”

 

“You’re still waiting for her.”

 

It’ not a question, the whispered little sentence that slips from Krystal’s mouth, but he answers anyway. “Yes. I’ll always wait for her.”

 

_It’s been fifteen hours. fifteen hours since her water broke. fifteen hours since his child decided it was time to be born._

 

_It’s been fifteen hours and she’s finally ready._

 

_Sehun can’t stop grinning despite the pain of her holding onto him. Despite the numerous times he’s seen her model, shot her photos, woke up and just looked at her, she has never been more beautiful to him. Her bangs are plastered to her forehead, her eyes are squeezed shut in pain, her teeth are clenched, and she’s wearing a hospital gown, but the edges of her lips are quirked up as the doctor yells: “The baby’s crowning!”_

 

_Time seems to fly and in no time after that he’s holding his daughter and cutting her umbilical cord. He bounces her as the newborn fusses, grinning ear-to-ear when her squalls quiet to soft little sounds of joy._

 

_“Yeobo, do you want to hold her?” he asks, watching as a nurse pats the sweat from the new mother’s forehead._

 

_Their daughter is fast asleep in his arms and after sixteen hours of labor, her mother doesn’t look to far behind._

 

_He sees her nods before her smiles falters and her fingers clench in the blanket covering her. “I…I don’t know how…”_

 

_“Let me show you.” His voice is soft as he guides Miyoung into her mother’s arms._

 

_“She’s so tiny,” she whispers, fingers shaking as she reaches her free hand up to stroke Miyoung’s cheek. “Sehun-ah…I can’t do this. I-I’m not ready for this. I’m just going to mess her up.”_

 

_“No, you won’t. You can do this, yeobo. **We**  can do this,” he says, reaching forward to wipe the tears from her face._

 

_She won’t meet his eyes as she hold Miyoung out. The baby’s waking up and fussing as she says “I’m sorry, I just can’t. I can’t, Sehun-ah. Just-just take her please…”_

 

“Thank you for dinner, Sehun-ssi. I had a good time with you tonight,” Krystal says when they reach her apartment.

 

“Call me oppa,” he replies with a smile.

 

Krystal grins and nods before turning to walk into her apartment.

 

“Krystal-ah. Tell Jongin how you feel. You're a wonderful person and he'd be an idiot not to see that.”

 

“Thank you, oppa.” She leans forward, pressing a friendly kiss to his cheek. “I hope she comes back. You deserve to be happy too, oppa.”

 

\-----

 

Sehun can’t sleep.  He’s been lying in bed for at least an hour with no luck. His brain just won’t shut off, won’t stop replaying Krystal’s words over and over… His heart clenches and he can’t help but wonder if  _she_ ever will come back.

 

He sighs and rolls over. The apartment is cold and he can’t help but wonder if he should turn the heat up as a shiver runs down his spine. He doesn’t have time to decide before his door is creaking open and a small voice is whispering “Daddy?” into the darkness of his bedroom.

 

“What is it, baby?” he says, sitting up and turning on his beside lamp in one fluid motion.

 

Miyoung only sobs in response before running across the room and into her father’s arms.

 

“Shh, shh baby, it’s okay. Daddy’s got you, it’s okay.” He rocks her back and forth, murmuring soft little words into her hair.

 

It take several tries before she can finally manage to get out “I had a bad dream” in between sobs. She doesn’t speak again and Sehun doesn’t push her, only sways calmly and shushes softly.

 

He holds her until her sobs fade away into sleepy coos and only lies her down beside him once he’s sure she’s sleeping soundly. He pulls the blankets up to her chin, brushing chestnut wisps away from her forehead before turning the light out and lying back down. He falls asleep knowing that she’ll sleep soundly with her father next to her.

 

_Red light flares at the end of his lips as Sehun takes a deep drag. It’s not a habit that he indulges often, smoking, but tonight…tonight he needs it to steady his shaking hands and calm his anxious heart._

 

_“Sehun-ah?” Her voice is small, sad, and sorry and it breaks his heart almost as much as the thought of her leaving._

 

_He puts his cigarette out and stands before making his way across the room to wrap her in his arms. Her fingers splay out across his back and he takes a shuddering breath. “When do you leave?”_

 

_“My flight leaves at ten,” she breathes out, the thick fabric of his sweater almost swallowing the sound entirely. “I have to go soon or I’ll miss it.”_

 

_There’s silence between them as he fights back the words crawling up his throat and slicing through his self-restraint. **‘Then miss it.’**_

 

_“I’m sorry,” she says as she pulls away, eyes filled with tears._

 

_“It’s alright,” he replies though it’s anything but. “Is Miyoung asleep?”_

 

_She nods, lips quirking up just so before falling back to place. “Yeah. She, um, she fell asleep when I was rocking her.”_

 

_“She loves you already. Just like I do.” She nods and a small smile breaks through despite the fresh tracks on her cheeks. “You know you always have a home here, right? No matter what, Miyoung and I will always be here for you.”_

 

_“Thank you, Sehun-ah.” Her hand’s on the doorknob when she says, for the first and last time, “I love you.”_

 

“Miyoung-ah! Are you ready for school?” He’s leaning against their kitchen counter, scrolling through news articles on his phone and sipping at his coffee as he waits for Miyoung to dress.

 

“Mhm! I got dressed all by myself, just like I told you I could~” the five (and three-fourths, don’t forget that) year old calls as she comes walking down the hallway from her bedroom. She’s already dressed in her school clothes and thankfully has both of her shoes on the right feet and she’s beaming up at him with the brightest smile in the world so all he can do is smile back.

 

“Good girl. Go brush your teeth and we’ll leave.”

 

“Okay, Daddy~”

 

She’s barely disappeared back around the corner when there’s a knock at the door. Sehun groans  as he moves to answer it, just knowing that it’s Jongin come to tell him all about how wonderful Krystal is for the umpteenth time since the two started dating all those weeks ago.

 

His heart stops when he sees chestnut curls and a freckled nose.

 

“Hi, Sehun-ah.”

 

\-----

 

She’s nervous. Choi Jinri – one of Asia’s top models, a frequent sight on runways and red carpets, and even seen in films and dramas all over South Korea – is nervous. It’s not a feeling she likes and definitely not one she’s felt before, but it’s there nonetheless and has her hands shaking where they’re fisted by her sides as she waits for the door before her to open.

 

She smiles as the knob turns and forces it to stay despite every fiber of her being telling her to drop everything and run the other way.

 

“Hi, Sehun-ah,” she manages through trembling lips.

 

“Jinri-yah.”

 

She’s fighting back tears at the sound of his voice, struggling to keep herself from flying into his arms, wrestling away from the words that are trying break free from her lips and completely erase every shred independence she’s managed to work up over the past six years. She takes a deep breath. “May I come in?”

 

He doesn’t speak, just silently moves aside so she can pass by him and into the apartment she used to call hers.

 

It’s barely changed at all in the time she’s been gone. The blues and yellows they picked out have faded, but all of the furniture is still in the same place – there’s even a rubber duck shaped pillow on the left end of the couch to cover the stain from when she spilled wine on the couch the night they brought it home, just like when she left – and he hasn’t bought new curtains no matter how much he used to complain about the pink and white flowers decorating the yellow fabric.

 

Jinri smiles, taking the few steps to reach the curtains and stroking them gingerly. Even after all this time, this place feels like her home.

 

“Sehun-ah.” She turns, expecting to see Sehun still standing behind the couch with the blank expression he’d kept since she walked in. What she’s not expecting to see is a carbon copy of herself in elementary school staring up at her with big eyes lined by thick lashes and her little pink mouth gaping open.

 

It only takes three seconds for Miyoung to drop her school bag and run at her, arms flung out to wrap around Jinri’s denim-clad legs. “Mommy, you’re back!”

 

Jinri stands there, frozen with tears in her eyes, for what feels like an eternity before she can finally bring her arms up to wrap around the small girl.

 

Miyoung looks up at her then with the brightest smile Jinri’s ever seen and, despite the tears threatening to spill from her eyes, she smiles back. “Daddy always said you had to go fix stuff, but you were going to come back when it was all fixed. Is everything fixed now, Mommy?”

 

“Almost, baby,” Jinri says. “I’ve just got one more thing to fix, okay?”

 

“What is it, Mommy?”

 

“Miyoung-ah,” Sehun says finally, cutting off Jinri’s reply. “You’re going to be late for school if we don’t leave soon. Why don’t you ask if Mommy wants to walk with us?”

 

Miyoung nods and turns back to her mother. “Mommy, it’s time for Daddy to walk me to school. Do you want to walk with us?”

 

“Of course, baby.”

 

Miyoung slips her hand into Jinri’s and in no time at all the three of them are walking down the sidewalk with Miyoung chattering up at her mother happily. Jinri can’t stop smiling at how right this feels, walking with one of Miyoung’s hands in hers and the other in Sehun’s.

 

“Mommy,” Miyoung says when they stop in front of her school. “Does this mean we can be a family now?”

 

Jinri kneels down so she’s on level with the five year old, swallowing back the thickness in her throat so she can speak. “I don’t know yet, baby. See, Mommy messed up really bad when she left you and Daddy, and she has to apologize for hurting you and Daddy. But no matter what, I will always be your Mommy, and I love you so so much. You know that?”

 

“I know that, Mommy. Daddy tells me every night before bedtime how much you both love me.”

 

Jinri can’t speak as Miyoung leans up to kiss her cheek before bouncing through the school gates. “Sehun-ah,” she says, standing to meet his eyes.

 

The younger just shakes his head. “Let’s talk when we get home.”

 

 _Home_. Jinri nods, hope that Sehun will give her the chance to fix this filling her heart during the silent walk back to the apartment.

 

Jinri makes tea when they make it back, trying to calm her nerves as she carries it into the living room where Sehun sits waiting.

 

“Sehun-ah.” She has no other words, unable to find the right way to start this conversation. “I…I met my mother.” Sehun doesn’t speak, just moves closer and places a warm hand on her shoulder and she couldn’t thank him enough for that as she starts again. “She, uh…I have a brother. And a sister. They didn’t even know I existed. She wanted to forget I was ever born, that she ever got with my father, that she ever had a-a bastard child like me.”

 

Jinri ignores the tears dripping into her tea as she turns to Sehun. “I don’t want to be her, Sehun. I don’t want to leave my child behind and go on and live my life like nothing ever happened. I want to be there for our daughter and make sure that she knows just how much I love her every single day, and even if you don’t want me back in your life, I understand that, but don’t try and keep me from her because I don’t want her to grow up the way I did and I will fight to make sure she has the life I nev-”

 

She doesn’t get to finish her sentence because warm lips are pressing against hers and long fingers are running through her hair and  _god_  she’s missed Sehun so much and those eyes that look at her with nothing but love and adoration.

 

He pulls back first with a little laugh. “I promise that I will never try to keep you away from our daughter if you’ll promise me something in return.”

 

“What? I’ll do anything if it means I get to be there for her.”

 

Sehun takes a deep breath. “Be my wife.”

 

\-----

 

Sehun sighs and rolls over, fingers ghosting over cool sheets before he stands. He  groans as he moves over to the dresser and finds it almost empty. He’ll have to do the laundry if he doesn’t want to be walking around naked all week.

 

He glances over to the clock beside his bed and his eyes light up. It’s almost time for-

 

“Daddy!”

 

-his daughter to be home.

 

He pulls on a pair of sweat pants to meet her in the living room, swinging the six year old up into his arms and spinning her around to the sound of her giggles filling their apartment.

 

Another laugh cuts through their fun as his wife comes in the door with a smile on her face. “If you keep spinning her like that, she’s going to be too dizzy to eat dinner, Sehun-ah.”

 

Sehun grins and sets Miyoung down to wrap his arms around his wife. “I love you, Jinri-ah.”

 

Jinri smiles back at him. “I love you too, Sehun-ah.” 


End file.
